He was waking up twice during the night and sleeping for four hours at a time.
Zara, a psychologist and executive coach from Surrey, was able to crack open a bottle of wine and have "a bit of an evening" by the time her child was four months old.
At four and a half months old, his sleep schedule changed: "It was five wakes, then six, then eight," recalls Zara. Because she was so worn out, she Googled "can you die from sleep deprivation?"
She describes herself as "broken, emotional, perplexed, sleep-deprived, and sophisticating." He would never stay asleep for more than 20 minutes, and I was going crazy. The £250 I spent on a sleep consultant was the best money I've ever spent, since it gave me the assurance to let my kid fall asleep on his own.
Heine, a mother from Surrey who works for a cosmetics company, sought the advice of the same sleep specialist but experienced something very different: "I was so disappointed - surprised, really. I was left feeling like a total failure, but I was also furious and lost," she adds.
It's a well-known tale when you delve into the realm of sleep specialists. Some people, like Zara, consider them to be "guardian angels." Others experience feelings of judgment, criticism, and financial waste.
But the market is growing thanks to word-of-mouth suggestions in pregnancy groups and through the social media profiles of "experts," which are full with photographs of heavenly newborns sleeping blissfully — obviously alluring to any parent sitting up with a wide-eyed, wailing baby night after night. The London School of Childcare Studies (LSCS), which offers a "sleep practitioner" course, states on its website that it's "an uncontrolled industry and qualifications are not required to start working," even though most parents would feel more at ease hiring someone who is adequately certified. For £945, the LSCS provides a brief course lasting roughly 12 weeks that consists of six in-person meetings each week followed by another six of supported independent study.
My son shouldn't be picked up, rocked, or fed, a sleep consultant advised me. Simply crying, he would stand in his crib. It couldn't be maintained.
With 165,000 Instagram followers, Rosey Davidson, the creator of Just Chill Baby Sleep, is one of the most successful individuals. She lists her LSCS certification on her LinkedIn page. However, a lot of well-known sleep consultants place a stronger emphasis on their prior roles as nannies or maternity nurses and their own family-raising experiences.
Davidson has a social media page with a ton of advice, motivational videos, and quotes like most sleep experts do. She provides a variety of services, from inexpensive basic tools (£49.50 for an online foundations of sleep course) to more expensive comprehensive plans (£395 for a two-week individualized plan). The cost of comparable online courses from Night Ninja or Care It Out is less than £20, but the higher-level services, such as a personal assessment, a plan, and four weeks of assistance, may cost up to £650.
According to Dr. Dimitri Gavriloff, who oversees Oxford University Hospitals' paediatric non-respiratory sleep disorders service, "everyone in the area of sleep medicine is aware of sleep consultants." We begin from a really positive place because many of them have a semi-clinical background — a nurse or someone who has worked in healthcare — and are eager to take action to enhance the health and wellbeing of children and their parents.
However, some people lack knowledge, and since parents are already feeling stressed, taking advantage of that ignorance could have unfavorable consequences. Sleep is important for both parents and children's physical and emotional wellbeing, according to Gavriloff. "You want someone who has the right training and uses evidence-based intervention in a way that is not exploitative," the expert advised.
Heine recognizes this vulnerability: "I felt insecure and vulnerable when we sought out, and the consultant made me feel so bad, as if I hadn't done my job as a mom. She kept giving the same advice without taking my input, which gave me the impression that she didn't understand the difficulties my son was having sleeping. It all boiled down to avoiding picking up, rocking, or feeding the baby while he "protested," that is, cried.
It required me to stay up late into the night with him. Simply crying, he would stand in his crib. It could not have continued. I was crying nonstop because the pressure was so great. To put my son to sleep one night, it took me three hours. The next morning, I got in touch with her, and she let me know that I was undoubtedly overstimulating him.
Heine found the rigorous and judgmental nature of her sleep consultant. She questioned everything we did, including the music we listened to, the diffuser's lavender aroma, and the toys we were using for our infant. In his straightforward words, Gavriloff says, "If you have someone who is weak and desperate, you don't go in there in a punishing way with should and shouldn't. Compassionate, perceptive, and knowledgeable support is required.
At four months old, Bristol resident Lindsey, who owns her own HR company, hired a sleep specialist. With two kids under four, she adds, "I was feeling a little out of my depth, especially if I was alone at bedtime to put them both down." Before the epidemic, according to Lindsey, her consultant visited for an hour to evaluate their routine and identify areas for improvement. "I was bathing them every other night and putting it down to her sensitive skin, but in really, I just found it difficult bathing two at one.
So that I wouldn't have to worry about my baby falling or getting struck by her big brother, the consultant advised me to get a sit-in bath seat for her. She politely called us out. I received the assurance and trust I required from it.
Babies and infants whose sleep is disturbed occasionally can also be developing normally. According to Gavriloff, about 30% of newborns and toddlers will exhibit the signs of insomnia problem, which include frequent night awakenings and the need for rocking or nursing to go asleep. Do some parents unintentionally foster issues? He makes a conscious effort to be understanding, saying, "There is nothing worse than feeling crap as a parent — it's an awful place to be mentally, and it alters the bond you have with your child. But overcoming sleep issues is definitely doable.
In terms of children's sleep, parents play a crucial influence. According to Gavriloff, some children have the ability to self-soothe naturally, but for many children, it's a learned behavior because of the "sleep onset connection" that develops when parents regularly rock or nurse their child to sleep. The ability of a peaceful environment, a plush blanket, and a teddy bear to independently promote the onset of sleep is advantageous.
Giving a baby a bottle, rocking it to sleep, singing a particular lullaby, or caressing their back all have negative implications. They are incredibly common and don't necessarily mean anything negative. It turns into a clinical condition when it affects humans, like when a child or parent doesn't get enough sleep.
The "cry-it-out" method, which involves letting kids cry for between one and fifteen minutes, is one of the most contentious components of sleep training. This method, often known as "managed sobbing," became widely known in 1999 because to Gina Ford's best-selling The Contented Little Baby Book.
Others believe "teaching" a child in this manner is unpleasant and unachievable, while some see it as the parenting bible. Ford sued Mumsnet in 2007 for making defamatory remarks about her because the subject has become so divisive. The issue was settled out of court once the comments were taken down.
Although all the women I spoke to for this article believe they were finally encouraged to attempt it, many contemporary sleep trainers claim to avoid the cry-it-out method. "I was assured that cry training wasn't the only method the sleep consultant used, but it was," Heine says; she had expressed her desire not to use that method, saying, "We wanted to tend to our baby." Annabel echoes this: "The 'one method suits all' of letting the baby 'protest' just didn't suit us." According to my own opinion, the only reason it works is because the baby doesn't cry since they are aware that no one will come to get them.
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